The Roads Less Traveled (and the Washrooms Even Less So)

“A Light-hearted Survival Guide for Rural Wanderers!“

For twenty years, we’ve wandered Ontario’s Roads Less Traveled, those winding concessions, forgotten sideroads, and dirt-lane shortcuts that look perfectly reasonable on a map until you’re halfway down them. They’re beautiful, peaceful, and absolutely magical…
until you need a washroom.

Yes, rural roaming comes with its own special category of challenges, quirky, inconvenient, oddly charming, and occasionally catastrophic. But fear not: after thousands of kilometres and a few questionable life choices, we’ve compiled a humorous (and empathetic) guide to the unique adventures that make rural exploring unforgettable. (Roads Less Traveled)

🚻 1. The Great Washroom Quest

A universal truth: the further you get from a town, the more coffee you’ll have had. (Roads Less Traveled)

Rural washrooms operate on a simple system:
They exist… but you must be found worthy. (Roads Less Traveled)

You may drive 30 minutes without seeing a building, then suddenly encounter a lone, paint-flaked porta-potty in a field like a desert oasis. You’ll question why it’s there, who put it there, and if approaching it violates at least three bylaws—but it’s there, and that’s all that matters. (Roads Less Traveled)

Fun Solutions:

• Adopt the motto: “Never pass a washroom without considering your future self.”
• Create a personal rating system: 1–5 stars based on tilt, aroma, wildlife inhabitants, and whether the door latch actually latches.
• Lobby for a provincial program called Potties for Pioneers, Ontario’s most underserved population: rural wanderers.
• Open the passenger’s side front and back doors… it’s private, almost. (Roads Less Traveled)

☕ 2. The Tim Hortons Mirage

On rural roads, all things are possible, except finding a Tim’s exactly when you want one. (Roads Less Traveled)

You’ll swear there should be one around the next bend. Then the next. Then another. Eventually you question whether Tim Hortons is even a real chain or just an illusion that exists only in towns with more than three stoplights.

When you do finally spot one, you pull in with the enthusiasm of a prospector striking gold. (Roads Less Traveled)

Fun Solutions:

• Bring your own emergency thermos, label it “For Morale Purposes Only.”
• Declare any gas station with coffee to be an honorary Tim’s. (Just don’t ask what’s in the pot.)
• Start a movement: Mobile Tim’s Trucks, patrolling rural Ontario like snack-based ice cream trucks for grownups. (Roads Less Traveled)

🍔 3. Food? Maybe? Possibly?

You learn quickly that rural food availability follows the rule of quantum mechanics: (Roads Less Traveled)
You never know if it exists until you stop the car and check.

Sometimes you stumble on a delightful general store selling homemade butter tarts the size of your head. Other times you find a building labeled “Eatery” with no windows, no vehicles, and, quite possibly, no oxygen.

Fun Solutions:

• Keep an emergency “Snack Kit”: crackers, trail mix, something vaguely chocolate, and at least one item you’ll never admit to eating.
• Follow handmade signs. If someone went to the trouble of painting “BURGERS 3KM” on plywood, it’s probably worth the detour.
• Always assume butter tarts will appear when least expected. (Roads Less Traveled)

🛌 4. The Elusive Rest Area

You’d think a province with 1.1 million square kilometres would have space for the occasional picnic table. Yet rest areas on backroads are like spotting rare birds:
you’ll talk about it for years. (Roads Less Traveled)

Picnic tables may appear suddenly in places with no view, no shade, and no indication of how they got there. A few are extraordinary gems that make you wonder why no one else ever seems to be there.

Fun Solutions:

• Keep two lawn chairs in your trunk. Instant rest stop. Voilà.
• Claim any patch of grass with acceptable footing as a “rustic, artisanal, self-guided picnic zone.”
• Practice saying, “This looks like a great spot!” even when it… isn’t. (Roads Less Traveled)

⛽ 5. Gas Stations: The Most Terrifying Game of Chicken

Every rural explorer knows this one: (Roads Less Traveled)

The gas gauge hits half.
You carry on.
The gas gauge hits a quarter.
You squint at it.
The low-fuel light comes on.
You begin bargaining with the universe.

Rural gas stations are often:

• 37 km in the direction you didn’t go
• Attached to a hardware store
• Run by someone who is very surprised to see you
• Cash only

Fun Solutions:

• Refill at half. Yes, half. You’re not trying to prove anything.
• Learn to decode old-fashioned roadside signs like “FUEL” and “GAS ’ROUND BACK.”
• Keep a small card of inspirational quotes in the glovebox. For emotional support.

🗺️ 6. Other Perils of Rural Wandering

• GPS Overconfidence:

If your device ever says “Turn left onto Unnamed Road,” you may be entering a different dimension. Pack sandwiches.

• Livestock Standoffs:

Cows have right of way. Always.

• Seasonal Surprises:

A road that was perfectly fine last week might now be gravel, mud, ice, or a temporary lake. Rural roads like to keep things interesting.

And Yet… We Keep Going

Why?
Because the Roads Less Traveled are where the real Ontario lives.

The barns, fields, quirky roadside shops, unexpected pumpkin patches, tiny hamlets, forest corridors, grazing cattle, distant lakes, old stone fences, pioneer cemeteries, crooked barns, and all those magical moments in between.

Sure, the challenges are real.
But so are the laughs, the discoveries, and the stories we’ll retell for years.

⭐ Final Wisdom for Fellow Wanderers

Take the scenic route.
Pack snacks.
Never trust your bladder.
Take a roll of toilet paper.
Take lots of hand sanitizer.
And remember: the best journeys aren’t measured in miles, they’re measured in butter tarts, near-miss porta-potties, and all the beautiful surprises waiting around the next dusty bend.